Everything ended

Two weeks ago, my relationship ended. At least, that was the day when we said goodbye to each other. Goodbye as a couple, not as friends.

When we spoke, and we spoke a lot, calmly, softly, crying, it was clear that there had been problems we had never solved. Problems she realised and I didnt. She told me she had felt alone, not in that moment, but for more time. The previous year, we almost saw each other every day. And she felt alone. I guess that was my fault. I love to listen to her daily stories, how she can transform a daily event into a funny tale. So I spoke as little as I could, so I could listen to her most of the time.

That was my mistake, I know. And my second one was not realising it on time. As time had gone by, she had felt worse and I hadnt change anything. It even got worse, as when we only could speak by phone we had less time.

However, she should have told me what she was thinking. We were two, and when I saw something that needed to be fixed, I said it. Perhaps she told me, perhaps I did not hear it. Whatever.

The thing is, she was right. We had been going each day a little farther from the other, and we were too far away to solve anything. Everything had ended, but some time before. Some months before. But we did not want to realise it. Until two weeks ago.

Death Penalty

It is not how I feel now, but how i will feel in a week. Next friday, i am going to be dumped. My relation will come to an end and i will be alone, as i was before.

It is been a long time since i had no girlfriend. I will miss her, but i will have to look straight ahead, and do not keep crying in one of my rooms's corners. It will be ended and life will have to continue. There will be plenty of time to feel angry, and delusioned. There will be lots of tears.

An stage ends, another one opens ahead. A steeper one, a harder one, a painful one. But i will have to walk through it. I will be alone, but I know I have plenty of goodfriends around which will push me. I know they will not let me down.

I guess I needed a life crisis to realize how important my friends are and how i need them. Even in the bad moments, a sun ray can be seen.

Thanks you all. I will be alone soon, but, at the same time, I know i will be protected by many of the best people i have ever met.

Why?

This is going a to be my place to write about anything, the place where my mind will fly free, where everything can be written.

I will write about feelings, about love, about hate. I will write why there is nothing left to write about, and why I want to write any moment. I will probably talk of economics, of history, of everything and nothing. Of my ignorance.

I will probably write about her, which is why I need to write now. I cannot speak with her, but I miss her so much I need to write her some lines, even when I know she wont read them.

I love you. I miss you. I would love to feel you again by me side.